FAUX LABOR PAINS

After experiencing four days of intense intermittent pain and nausea, I have a newfound appreciation for labor. I may have never given birth, but I have witnessed labor at its peak as the pain waxes and wanes in an episodic fashion. I imagine that I have looked very similar to the women I’ve witnessed as my face scrunches up and contorts with each agonizing episode of pain, followed by a long exhale and wash of relief as it subsides. Heck, I’ve even thrown in a few hoo hoo heeees for good measure.

I attempted to go to work on Thursday and managed to work a half-day with a stick-on heating pad under my clothing and moments of rest. My facilitating physician recommended that I take the second half of the day off to go visit my physician. I took his advice and decided that I could no longer let the pain torture me. I had to see if this kidney stone was going to pass or if something else would need to be done.

I had a CT scan that evening and found out that my kidney stone was, in fact, an alleged kidney stone. A previous urine analysis revealed blood and infectious cells, and the pain pattern was similar to a kidney stone. However, the CT revealed an accumulation of fluid in my abdominal cavity on the left side. The fluid was most likely caused by a rupture of an ovarian cyst.

Ovarian cysts are a normal part of the menstrual process and do not usually cause problems. Sometimes, however, a cyst may keep accumulating fluid or a blood vessel in the wall of the cyst may rupture, leading to further accumulation of blood in the cyst. If the blood-filled cyst becomes large enough, it can rupture and blood will enter the abdominal cavity, leading to severe pain.

Exquisite and seemingly unbearable pain, in fact.

I learned about ovarian cysts in one of my medical school classes, but I have never seen it present itself in a clinical setting. Now that I’ve had the experience, I realize that it is very easy to underestimate pain when you are pain-free. Hopefully, I will be a better physician because of it.

My faux pregnancy might not have only originated from holiday gluttony. As it turns out, bloating and weight gain is also a sign of an ovarian cyst. I have not had an appetite to eat more than one meal each day this week, and I am still just as bloated as I was on Monday.

I may have never given birth, but I will own it like a champ when it happens. (Epidural? Yes, please!) After all, I’ll at least be getting the prize of a baby for all of the endurance of pain.

Which leads me to a t-shirt idea: “I had a ruptured ovarian cyst and all I got was this stupid t-shirt.”

There’s no way that I’d wear a shirt like that in public, though.