WHERE HAVE I BEEN?!?!?

It’s been almost two months since my last blog. What the heck?!?!?

I spent the entire month of March on a surgery rotation and am now one week shy of completing my Ob/GYN month. I could cook up some nice and entertaining stories about my experiences, but I've got too much catching up to do! ( I still might, though my imagination often takes me to a place where I’ve unintentionally violated HIPPA as the people I am talking about stumble upon my openly public blog, placing all of my painstaking, debt-laden efforts over the past few years in jeopardy. I’ve just got to make sure that enough time has passed to eliminate such worries, all while making sure I remember the stories…)

I often think about blogging and then don’t know where to start because so much time has passed, and the thought also quickly dissolves once I think about the brain power and time that it would take to catch up. I guess it would be more feasible if my blogs weren’t so long-winded, huh? I’m working on trying to take more pictures so I will have to type less, and I just found our long-lost camera under the passenger seat in my car today so there's hope. If you consider the trends, though, it's not looking too good...

So...here’s my attempt at catching up:

Jerm has a new job that seems to be going well. From what I am hearing, the environment is very laid-back and very much aligned with his personal approach to things. Other than this, he has been playing a boatload of basketball and doing lots of outdoor watercolor sketching in his spare time*.

Core really hasn’t been as bad as I imagined it would be. The long work hours aren’t the best and most preferred, but it is manageable with a few days off every once in a while. The “pimping” hasn’t been that bad either. I am the type of person that I either know something or I don’t (a lot more of the latter… just kidding if you are considering me as your future physician!), so I attempt an answer or I say “I don’t know.” Most residents and attendings don’t make us students feel too stupid for not knowing something. After all, question sessions are great ways of learning when they are on-the-spot and in front of a peer group. I guess when I put it that way, though, I could also include that they are good for confirming sweat-gland functioning and proving that any amount of deodorant is entirely too little.

At this point, the most prominent issues on the forefront in my life are board examinations that are coming up in a few months, and the fact that I am going to have to start getting in-gear and figure out what the heck I want to do with my life so I can apply for residency. As much as I hate to admit it, this crap stresses me out to-the-max. And, though I’m not sure if anyone is, I definitely am not a big fan of stress.

I think I’ve narrowed my specialty choices to two, but I’ve got a little more soul-searching and experiencing to do before I fully decide. I am learning that there are pros and cons to every specialty and am questioning if my perception of a specialty now will change once Jeremy and I have a family. This is a HUGE factor for me.

And this is a whole different blog in itself that I may or may not have time to write, but it won’t be now because – what you don’t know -- is that I am actually at the hospital working an overnight shift and my pager just went off.

Have I mentioned that Labor & Delivery is the most disgusting and beautiful thing ever?

I believe that I have.


*Just kidding about that watercolor sketching part.

I'M BACK (FOR NOW!)

My name is Crystalle, and I have returned from my journey away from the face of the planet to proclaim that I have not abandoned the blog.

I’ve just taken a temporary leave-of-absence for who-knows how long.

After spending the last week and weekend of February at the hospital for a Family Medicine rotation, Day 1 of March swept me away into a Surgery rotation. The mornings are early, the days are sometimes long, and I have to work two weekends out of the month (I’ve already attended two surgeries this morning), but I am thoroughly enjoying it.

Weird, huh?

Well, you might not think this unless you knew a little background. You see, as I’ve mentioned before, “Core” – the term used to describe the month of surgery, the month of Ob/Gyn, and the two months of Internal Medicine at our teaching hospital – has quite a reputation as a morale buster. Stories about long, twelve-plus hour work days on your feet, stretches of up to nineteen days straight without a day off circulate (thankfully, I’ve only worked twelve!), heightened by the rumors of easily agitated, curt attending physicians who “pimp” (a very formal medical term, I assure you) about the minute details of medical topics.

I will attest to the suckiness of the early mornings, and the nice callus that is forming on my left big toe is a testament to hours and hours of weight-bearing activity (and maybe even a statement of poor posture/gait/footwear choice, but this detracts from the emphasis of my point so it gets parenthesized).

Though I’ve answered more than a few questions with “I don’t know” – three words that have easily become my BFF over the past weeks– I’ve not been pimped too much.

And while I’ve been talked-to quite sternly in the operating room over the handling of a laparoscopic camera (who knew that to move the light upwards in the field-of-view, the apparatus on the scope moves downward and vice-versa??!), I do not take it personal because – quite frankly -- I feel that I am doing the best that I can with the knowledge-base that I have.

It doesn’t hurt that my attending physician is a female surgeon with a fierce gumption that I perceive to be acquired from working in a highly-discriminative, male-dominated field. Though I can sometimes see tendencies during procedures (mostly pertaining to equipment malfunctioning) that make me believe the few stories I’ve heard about operating room outbursts, I haven’t witnessed anything crazy. I respect her and totally love her in a thank-you-for-being-personable-and-not-as-scary-as-I-anticipated way.

I have to say that I love being at the hospital, mostly because there is no substitute for being in the environment and learning the technicalities and goings-on associated with being there on a day-to-day basis. I am learning something new every day, which is refreshing and very gratifying, and it keeps things interesting. I highly enjoy being around and interacting with people (though I cannot say that the nurses are always the most friendly, but I’m secretly and passively-aggressively starting a black list), and it is so nice to see some of my classmates, even if in casual passing.

On a final note, I most particularly enjoy the proximity of the hospital to our house. After being away for several rotations, I have realized that I highly value being able to come home to Jerm and the doggies after a long day.

After all, warm hugs and puppy kisses are definitely a morale booster.

FAUX FINISH FAIL

I recently had this great idea that I would complete a faux-finish painting project in the main bathroom of our house. When I was in Elk City in October, the physician's office was painted beautifully using this technique, and I was inspired to incorporate this warm and inviting style into my home.

Ha.

For those of you who may not be aware of the technique, you take a dark paint color, mix in a considerable amount of glaze, and paint a small surface area of the wall. You then manipulate the paint to give a characteristic three-dimensional look using either a paintbrush or dry rag.

While this sounds wonderful, warm and fuzzy, and totally doable, I would just like to say that I do not recommend this project unless you have a considerable amount of upper body strength, an exorbitant amount of time and patience, and a sense of humor accompanied with a back-up plan.



The project started out strong (top left side of the wall), but a break was in order after three hours. The problems started when I resumed the next day and had to mix more paint/glaze -- as you can tell on the top and bottom right sides of the wall. Before I knew it, I had more paint in one area than another, and I was stepping out of the bathroom every time I applied paint to try to achieve evenness in terms of dimension. It was a disaster!

Looking at the picture now, I have to admit that it doesn't look as bad as I felt that it did at the time, but this project was consuming way more energy and time than I wanted to give. It took me two days to get this small area painted!

I decided that I would instead paint the bathroom a solid color. The paint that I had purchased for the faux project was way too dark for my preference, so I purchased a lighter color paint. However, when I got home and tried it out it was hideous!

So I mixed the darker paint with the lighter paint to come up with the perfect color, and voila!


The color that I am speaking of is the primary color in this picture above. If you look closely, however, you'll notice that the walls kind-of have a darker border around them. (Look, look at the borders everyone!)

The bathroom currently has this darker chocolate/purple border because of a slight miscommunication. You see, Jerm thought he would help out by painting the trim and edges one day while I was at work.

You know, as a surprise.

And so he painted continuously along the edges of the ceiling and baseboards, making great progress, not even taking time to stop and admire his fine work. At one point, he did have the thought that the paint was taking a rather long time to dry, but quickly dismissed the suspicion secondary to his goal of completion...



...until he got to the very end of his painting efforts and noticed that something was amiss.



I received this text: "Is the paint in this plastic bucket the old paint we're no longer using? That's what I was using and starting to realize it's drying darker...or just taking forever to dry."

As it turns out, his efforts turned out to be a much bigger surprise than even he anticipated.

CHANGE IS A-COMIN'!

Blogging has currently taken the backburner to my studies and an impending schedule change. Beginning next week, I will be working at what I like to consider "med school boot camp". Basically, I will spend one month in surgery, one month in OB/GYN, and two months in Internal Medicine. The hours are long, I will have to work nights, and I will be working many consecutive days without breaks.

I am excited! (Not so much about the schedule, but I think it is a great learning opportunity and a way to get some hands-on experience!)

Unfortunately, I am also working this week and upcoming weekend at the hospital and am in the midst and preparing for two exams on Friday. So, needless to say, I have been trying to spend any and all free time with Jerm and the doggies.

Here is a very brief picture-story glimpse of what's been going on since I took my test earlier this month:

Jeremy and I painted our bedroom a new color. It is a grayish-blue (steel blue, if you will - even though the second picture makes the color look lighter), and we are very happy with the results.




It took us a few weeks to bring this project into fruition, and we still have a lot of things that we want to do as far as decorations are concerned. However, time and budget constraints will likely turn this into a slow-and-steady process.

I found some great curtains on JCPenney.com for $14.99 each and bought two for each window in our room. We have managed to hang one curtain, but I have yet to iron out the wrinkles from the packaging so no pictures for the blog! As a teaser, here is the website picture of the curtains. They are not this color!



Also, here is a picture of the lamps that I want from JCPenney.com. These are quite pricey, and they totally lose the battle on the scale of practicality. But I love them a whole bunch. A whole, whole, whole, whole bunch.



When our room is decorated to its full potential, I promise that I will post all about it. I'm not sure when the process will be finished, but it will get finished someday.

I have it all planned out in my head. (Don't I, Jerm?)

More pictures about another decorating project to come tomorrow or Friday or sometime this weekend. :)

BIRTHDAY + VALENTINE'S = BIRTHVALENTINE'S!

I haven’t really felt like blogging lately, mostly because so many things have transpired in the past month that I don’t even know where to begin. But I guess I will begin somewhere and give a fast-forwarded update.

First, an update on Jerm’s career change, in as few words as possible:

Jerm quit his accounting job to pursue a teaching career.

Jerm accepted a teaching position.

Jerm hated teaching.

Absolutely. Hated. It.

Jerm quit the teaching position.

Jerm is currently looking for another accounting job. He had an interview this morning, and we are keeping our fingers crossed.

I don’t really feel like this is my story to tell, but I can say that this prospective career change has been one huge learning lesson which has changed our life. We were forced to step back and assess many things – how to successfully live on a student income, how to merge two bank accounts into one without killing each other, how to more effectively communicate when things are not exactly seen eye-to-eye, what makes us happy, what we want for our future – and the list goes on and on. Ultimately, I believe that the change has been beneficial for our relationship and has brought us closer together, even if it may not have been the most optimal career move on Jerm’s behalf. So beneficial, in fact, that I did not want to kill him (even secretly) when he informed me that teaching was not the fulfilling and dreamy career that he had idolized for so long.

Now, that’s not to say that I didn’t want to give him a swift kick in the butt or a random slap-chop to the back of the head. I just didn’t want to kill him.

In other news, somebody had his 26th birthday this past Friday. Such a big boy!



I meant to take pictures of all of the birthday get-togethers but I only remembered my camera on our first dinner out.

These are my grandparents that I have inherited through marriage. I only mention this because these two people have accepted me as their granddaughter from the moment I have met them, and we are very close even though the marriage that brought us together has dissolved. They are wonderful and supportive and are so very, very special to us.



The birthday boy and me. I do not sacrifice sleep to get up and get ready, which only matters when picture-taking is involved. (I was trying to avoid a disclaimer but I. just. couldn't. resist.)



Special thanks to everyone who took us out to lunch/dinner to make Jerm's birthday special. We love you guys very much!

For Valentine's Day, Jerm and I joined forces to start/wrap up some painting/cleaning projects which we had started in the previous week. But I'll post more about that later.

Happy BirthValentine's Day, my love!

THE AFTERMATH

After you read this blog, you might want to nominate our household for one of those TV shows that expose and remedy families with junk and clutter problems. And I have to say that I am okay with that, because – if anything – maybe we’ll get some help detail-organizing our house and life, something that I’ve been wanting to do for the past three years.

So, in the spirit of tiredness and apathy and sass…


Exhibit A is our Christmas tree and lights that we still haven’t managed to put away from the holiday season. More importantly and embarrassing, however, is the dog hair on the floor. And, yes, this is typed in smaller font because, as noble as it may be to “keep it real”, I’d rather keep it real small. It’s kind of like whispering.



Exhibit B is our kitchen table. It started out with a few innocent school papers, followed by sale papers and mail, and then it somehow transitioned into this. That black thing is a fan. I’m not sure where it came from or how it got there, but I suspect that it arrived the same way the other things did: by someone not putting them where they belong. And to avoid shifting the blame on Jerm, I must confess that most of the stuff on the table is my fault. Notice my white coat and the USMLE book on the chair? I walked in Saturday after my test, placed my stuff on the table, and then planted myself on our couch for some mindless TV action.



Exhibit C speaks for itself. (Go ahead, take a real good look. Quite frankly, I cannot believe that people live like this either. Absolutely disgusting.) To make matters worse, the tray to the left was full of cupcakes until I got my hands on it. Nine cupcakes, seven of which I may or may not have eaten myself. In our defense, Jerm and I have recently set a goal to make an effort to recycle. Though we have containers in our garage set up for this, things often accumulate on our free kitchen surfaces out of laziness. This is something that we are working on. So, just for clarification, these unhealthy foods were not eaten in one gluttonous, face-stuffing, love-handle expanding setting.



And finally…

Exhibit D is our office, which I’ve put in here to serve as a not-so-subtle disclaimer as to why our house currently looks the way it does. This is where I’ve spent the past two months attempting to study for a board examination that I should have taken six months ago. The dogs and I camped out day and night when possible, and things piled and piled up each day. (Thanks Maisie-cakes for the shredded paper on the floor!) In Jerm's defense, I am not the cleanest person during my obsessive studying attempts. In fact, it is quite safe to say that I don't even make an effort to lift a single finger towards housework when I have an upcoming test. The world absolutely stops, which has made for an interesting and messy past couple of years if you can imagine.



I’ll admit, this mess is a disgrace to domesticity and cleanlinness and responsibility and adulthood.

And I realize that I am going to cringe tomorrow once it hits that I’ve exposed our mess and, indirectly, our character flaws to the world.

But today, I don’t care.

KETCHUP BLOG

The no-blogging trend of the past week will continue into this next week (Is it me or do I sound like a weather-woman here?), primarily because I begin a new rotation on Monday and also because I will be taking my test one week from today. Starting today, all free time equals study time, with a little time set aside for regression to child-like behaviors.

Thankfully, I was never a bed-wetter.

This past week was interesting. Interesting because I stayed the night with a Physician Assistant that worked in the clinic where I was rotating in order to save time and gas. Interesting because a predicted-but-not-yet-here winter storm caused rescheduling of a test and cancellation of an academic lecture series I was supposed to attend this weekend. Interesting because of possible new developments in the Evans’ household. Interesting because even though it was sixty-degrees on Wednesday, Mother Nature had a mood swing and dumped a nice layer of ice on us, followed by six-to-seven inches of snow.

I had the fortune of having this past Monday off, mainly because I volunteered to work two days at our school-sponsored clinic in December when I was on vacation. In exchange, I was able to choose a day to take off in January. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect, and I utilized the time to (drumroll please…) study.

On Tuesday, I packed up my stuff for an intended two-night stay at the home of the PA who also works in the clinic. On nursing home days, she and I would work together most of the day while the doctor attended meetings and whatever else, and we sort-of bonded in this period. In an effort to help reduce my commute and maximize study time, she invited me to stay at her house for a couple of days. Though hesitant, I couldn’t resist on grounds of practicality. After all, Jerm and I are on a newly strict budget, and the gas savings alone were tempting enough.

That evening, we miraculously finished clinic earlier than any day in the entire month, but the PA still had some work to do before we could head to her house. I thought I would use the time to run to the local Dollar Store to pick up some toothpaste, and upon mentioning this to her, she asked if I would stop by the grocery store to pick up a few groceries. While I agreed and took her money and shopping list willingly, I was irritated beyond words. (Well, actually, I had more than a few choice words to say about it. I had accepted her offer to save time, not to run her freaking errands!) By the time I circled the foreign grocery store a million times looking for the things she needed, twenty minutes had been wasted. Add another twenty-minutes of increasing frustration waiting in line, and you get, “I could have freaking been home by now!” Though I partially wanted to whimper and curl up in the fetal position, I couldn’t help but recognize the humor of the situation. It was funny in an incredulous, twisted humor, of-course-this-would-happen-to-me kind of way. And besides, what else could I do?

As it turned out, accepting her offer turned out to be a great idea. She had generously cleaned up her office for me to use, and I was able to hibernate and study the rest of the evening. At one point, I started to get deliriously tired (you know, the tired where your eye lids start to get really heavy and the words you read don’t make sense because you are stuck think-dreaming somewhere between consciousness and sleep), but I snapped out of it, fixed some tea, and got back to work. If I were at home, I would have justified not studying with tiredness which would have resulted in an unnecessary nap or some mindless television time. (Dang American Idol auditions suck me in every time…) In addition, the PA is a really cool person, and we have some common interests. I guess that picking up her groceries was the least I could do for a night’s stay and a warm shower.

Wednesday was nursing home day, and I had mentally prepared myself for the longevity. However, I received a phone call from a school official early in the day telling me that our test for the upcoming Friday had been rescheduled secondary to forecasted inclement weather, and that I was to arrive at the school by three pm that day to take it. While I had enjoyed my nursing home experiences, this was an absolute gift. I also was instructed that the academic conferences we were expected to attend for the upcoming weekend had transitioned from mandatory to optional. I cannot explain how fortunate and wonderful this is. While I did work a half-day on Thursday, these changes have bought me wonderful and glorious time.

Time to study , which is great considering that I study best when I have long blocks of time to focus on the subject matter at hand.

Time to blog, which is great because I haven’t all week. (and likely will not until after next Saturday...)

Here's lifting my orange juice glass (no vodka or champagne, unfortunately..)to a safe and productive week!

IN A NUTSHELL

This past month, I’ve had the wonderful opportunity to work ten-plus hour workdays without the luxury of a lunch break. I do take a lunch, but each day I quickly shove it down the gullet in few minute intervals between patients. I also keep a few pretzels or almonds in my white coat to sneak whenever my stomach protests. By the end of the day, my stomach and my feet are pretty pissed at me. Optimism (I truly wouldn’t rather be doing anything else!) and pep talks have helped significantly, not to mention that this upcoming week is my last week. Woo-hoo!



Remember when I took boards way the heck back in June? Well, I had a freak-out moment/epiphany in December and decided that I needed to take another set of board exams that I originally chose not to take. In short, there are two versions of the test. I took the one required by my school, though there is another one that the allopathic/M.D. students take. It could potentially increase my residency options, thus I am slaving away each weeknight (after my long day) and weekend as I once again have to pass on much more preferable and fun activities to study. Clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk. (That’s the sound of my head banging on my desk.)


When Jerm and I considered home-ownership in our neighborhood, little did we know that the picket fence came with a lovely homeowners’ association (HOA). If you aren't familiar with the term, it is an organization that upholds the rules and regulations (so eloquently coined "covenants") of the neighborhood and provides funding for maintenance that the city does not otherwise provide (funding provided via an annual fee that each household is expected to pay). As of last Tuesday (the 19th), our Christmas lights were still up. Combine an HOA with a social networking site (Facebook), and you get lovely messages such as these:

“I know that the weather is not the best and the forecast is more cold. But a reminder that our Holiday decorations need to be down soon per the covenants.”

“Just another reminder: today being the 18th it is now a violation of our covenants if you still have Holiday decorations and lights still up... Please pass this on to your neighbor if they still have them up. Shelli will be out soon for inspections…”

Apparently, it is okay to put Christmas lights up a month before the holiday but entirely unacceptable to keep them up once January rolls around. In the midst of freezing weather, a thirty-five minute one-way commute, and long workdays, I am glad to have the HOA to help keep my priorities straight. Thanks, HO! I mean HOA...



On a final note, Wednesdays of this month have been entirely devoted to nursing home/hospice care. My experience has been an interesting and humbling one. Many of the patients are demented (The individual on the right, for example, insisted that maintenance stole his scooter. Notice what he's sitting on?) and completely dependent on others for daily activities of living that you or I wouldn't think twice about doing ourselves. I took this picture (not sure if it's legit, but I don't think there are any confidentiality issues here) because it is an image that I have seen often in the few days that I have spent at the nursing home.

I am reminded that no matter how bad my feet hurt or how painfully hungry I am at the end of the day, or how miserable I am from staring at a book hours and hours upon end without seemingly learning a single thing, I have my health, the company of loved-ones, and I am able to go outside whenever I want.

Life is good.

AD-LIB

Thought I’d post this for all of you who are trying to get a jump-start on next year’s Christmas shopping. (You’re welcome.)



With six easily accessible and extremely Magic Cling-y secure pockets, “Will you hold my man-purse while I use the restroom?” is a phrase of the past. That’s right, folks, the Casual Jack in your life can carry everything he needs on his person and avoid the dreaded and stigmatized accessory that has made him the subject of mockery of many casual conversations.

But that’s not all.

These also come with a convenient commodity that’ll make Casual Jack Sr. and all of Casual Jack’s buddies place these glorified sweatpants at the top of their Christmas/Birthday/Buy Me a Present for No-reason lists: an easy-access zipper fly. (Insert Devo’s “Whip It” as background music here) Perhaps the ad says it best: “No more droppin’ your drawers just to do numero uno!” (Hi-lighted and bracketed for emphasis. You can’t make this stuff up!) Now Casual Jack can recover valuable time and get back to more important things in life. Like World of Warcraft or the multiple football games that are gracing the flatscreen.

Worried that these will itch and scratch like those awful department store brands? Have no fear, because these high quality digs are proclaimed to be “Hefty, Warm, Durable, and Soft as a Kitten" (Also underlined for your viewing pleasure) Rest assured that no actual kittens were harmed in the making of these machine-washable , elastic waistbanded gems, however.

Quite frankly, the only thing missing from these precious cargos is builit-in underwear and a “numero dos” zipper. But I bet this is where the company drew the line.

After all, these pockets aren’t the only matter in the universe with Magic Cling properties if you know what I mean.






**On a more serious note. One week ago, an earthquake devastated the country of Haiti, demolishing the infrastructure of many cities, killing hundreds of thousands, and injuring and displacing millions more. I recently learned that before the disaster, the country only had 3 doctors for every 10,000 residents. At this time, resources are extremely limited and the people are suffering greatly. If you haven’t already, please consider donating a small amount to an organization to help relief efforts.

HERE is a site that provides a list with many options for donation, and I have listed a few other convenient donation options from the site as well.

Text "Haiti" to 90999 to donate $10 to the American Red Cross relief efforts

• Tried and true. You will receive a confirmation via text to let you know that the $10 will be charged to your next phone bill.

Text Yele to 501 501 to donate $5

Text HAITI to 864833 to donate $5 to United Way Worldwide's disaster fund for long-term recovery.

THAT'S MY MAN

I tried to get Jerm to do a cameo piece on the blog, but I am interpreting his silence on the matter as a polite refusal. It was a risk anyhow, considering that he started a blog several months ago and his second and last ever blog was titled “Sharting to the Oldies”.

Yep, that’s my man.

In spite of its totally refined and tasteful title, the blog was insightful and very pertinent to some drastic changes that are taking place in our life right now. A specific excerpt comes to mind:

“Today is one of those days where I wonder how I even got into the auditing biz. I'm looking out the window thinking how cool it would be to jump and free fall til about 5 o'clock. I would then land on my feet, go for a quick jog, and then go on enjoying life.”

Except for the humorous piece about going for a quick jog ( nothing like a good work-out in the middle of a fantasy...), his revelation is something that he’s been saying over and over for the past year or so: it’s time to experiment with a career change.

More specifically, it’s time to experiment with a career change from accounting to teaching.

So.

As of last Friday, Jerm quit his secure job with a prominent accounting firm to pursue a career that is currently experiencing a hiring-freeze and is even asking for volunteer substitutes (at least in our state).

Yep, that’s my man.

I’m not going to lie – this past month has been a little bumpy and tearful at times. I have been supportive but not without reservations. After all, I am a student who is required to have medical insurance, and we just purchased our first home. Though I like to promote a cool, laid-back exterior, I am sometimes more high-strung than I like to admit, especially during times of dramatic change and/or acclimation (hellooooo, med school!).

As much as I’ve had my reservations and concerns, however, I think it is time to give Jerm some credit. We had discussed the career change as a potential option in the distant future (little did I know!), and he stepped up to the plate early last year and began the process of attaining his alternative teaching certifications in Math and Business. As soon as we agreed that it would be best for him to quit his job to gain some experience in a classroom-setting, he immediately applied for substitute and tutoring positions at local schools and learning centers.

He had his first substituting experience today and will have his second tomorrow. (It was a computer class and his responsibilities were quite minimal, but I think he enjoyed it. He will be “teaching” a junior high vocal class tomorrow, which should be very interesting.) In addition, he also discovered that he has been hired for a twelve week substitute position while a teacher is on maternity leave, which is truly wonderful.

My heart and respiratory rates are slowly returning to normal.

Earlier this week, Jerm had a few days off. Like a good and doting househusband (as I like to now call him), he kindly washed some dishes, washed and folded a few loads of laundry, and he even took down our tree and holiday stuff. At one point, I texted him to ask how things were going, only to receive this response:

“Pretty good. Watched Wendy Wiliams, Ellen, the Today Show, and now Teen Mom. Did some dishes, took the tree down, and switched some laundry out. I think I am growing a vagina…”

Yep, that’s my man.

FAUX LABOR PAINS

After experiencing four days of intense intermittent pain and nausea, I have a newfound appreciation for labor. I may have never given birth, but I have witnessed labor at its peak as the pain waxes and wanes in an episodic fashion. I imagine that I have looked very similar to the women I’ve witnessed as my face scrunches up and contorts with each agonizing episode of pain, followed by a long exhale and wash of relief as it subsides. Heck, I’ve even thrown in a few hoo hoo heeees for good measure.

I attempted to go to work on Thursday and managed to work a half-day with a stick-on heating pad under my clothing and moments of rest. My facilitating physician recommended that I take the second half of the day off to go visit my physician. I took his advice and decided that I could no longer let the pain torture me. I had to see if this kidney stone was going to pass or if something else would need to be done.

I had a CT scan that evening and found out that my kidney stone was, in fact, an alleged kidney stone. A previous urine analysis revealed blood and infectious cells, and the pain pattern was similar to a kidney stone. However, the CT revealed an accumulation of fluid in my abdominal cavity on the left side. The fluid was most likely caused by a rupture of an ovarian cyst.

Ovarian cysts are a normal part of the menstrual process and do not usually cause problems. Sometimes, however, a cyst may keep accumulating fluid or a blood vessel in the wall of the cyst may rupture, leading to further accumulation of blood in the cyst. If the blood-filled cyst becomes large enough, it can rupture and blood will enter the abdominal cavity, leading to severe pain.

Exquisite and seemingly unbearable pain, in fact.

I learned about ovarian cysts in one of my medical school classes, but I have never seen it present itself in a clinical setting. Now that I’ve had the experience, I realize that it is very easy to underestimate pain when you are pain-free. Hopefully, I will be a better physician because of it.

My faux pregnancy might not have only originated from holiday gluttony. As it turns out, bloating and weight gain is also a sign of an ovarian cyst. I have not had an appetite to eat more than one meal each day this week, and I am still just as bloated as I was on Monday.

I may have never given birth, but I will own it like a champ when it happens. (Epidural? Yes, please!) After all, I’ll at least be getting the prize of a baby for all of the endurance of pain.

Which leads me to a t-shirt idea: “I had a ruptured ovarian cyst and all I got was this stupid t-shirt.”

There’s no way that I’d wear a shirt like that in public, though.

SNEAKY TERRIER

Me: Hey, Maisie.

Maisie: Yes, Mom?


Me: Where is your sister?

Maisie: (in a faint whisper) Well, Mom, I wasn't going to say anything, but I think there is something you need to know about Lucy.



Me: What do you mean?

Maisie: Don't tell her that I told you this, but she's been going into the pantry when you aren't looking and stealing a lot of treats.


Me: Are you serious?

Maisie: That's what she is doing right now!

(Some pictures that I took before the video)



Me: What do you have to say for yourself, little girl?

Lucy: Hey. Hey, Mom. Guess what?

Me: What?

Lucy: I like your hair today.

NEW THINGS IN THE NEW YEAR

We are only six days into 2010, and it has already been quite a new year.

This past Monday, I started a new rotation at a rural clinic here in OK. Fortunately, it is only about an hour drive from home and so I am able to drive and enjoy the comfort of my own bed each night. I will never again underestimate the value of my own bed after sleeping in a hospital bed for an entire month.

Unfortunately, all of the reckless eating -- sans exercise-- since Thanksgiving has caught up with me. I have been wearing the same emergency pair of jeans (“fat” jeans, if you will) for the past month as denial and I have gladly and excessively partaken in all of the vacation and holiday fare. (By the way, if you are the family member that made the chocolate covered peanut cluster that Jerm brought home from the family get-together, I would like the recipe….in three months.)

In addition to my fat jeans, I have also experienced “faux pregnancy”, a phenomenon that occurs every time my gluttonous ways get the best of me. I like to stretch out my distended stomach as far as it will go and say to Jerm, “See, this is what it will look like when I am pregnant!” He gets holy crap saucer eyes every time, though I’m not sure if it it’s because I can look six months pregnant without actually being pregnant or if it’s because I follow up with, “It’s all downhill from here, buddy!”.

Faux pregnancy took on a new relevance this past Monday. I was extremely bloated and looking at least four months pregnant without trying. I spent the early half of my day self-conscious, cursing myself for wearing the shirt that I had chosen and trying to suck in whenever I remembered. I thought maybe I was being overly girly, analytical, vain, self-conscious, or whatever behaviorally descriptive word you would like to insert here. That is, until an elderly female patient, showing her Fixodent-proof I’ve-figured-out-your-secret smile punched me in the face with these five words: “How far along are you?”

Um, excuse me? Or, rather – what the hell!

Even though I had been obsessing about looking pregnant, her words threw me completely off-guard. I scrambled to find the words to reply, even considering lying for a split second and admitting to being pregnant. I am not sure if it was the constipation-red color of my face or the awkward silence that followed, but she quickly recovered with, “How far along are you in your schooling?”

This is really funny in reflection, not to mention a good motivator to hit the gym.

And I could hit the gym, if it weren’t for yet another new and fun experience that began yesterday morning.

At first, I thought maybe the sharp, stabbing pain on my left side was a passing gas bubble. (I question whether it is lady-like and bloggable to admit this, but the medical field has desensitized me enough to not care that much.) The pain struck and then subsided, following this pattern as each episode returned with a greater fury. The nature of the pain and the fact that it was only on my left-side meant that it could only be one thing: urolithiasis.

In laymen's term, urolithiasis translates into a kidney stone. And let me tell you, kidney stones are not very fun. I have spent the past two days at home in bed because I can barely stand-up without pain and feeling nauseated. The unfortunate thing about kidney stones is that most of them will pass with time. And even more unfortunate is the fact that the time of passage correlates to the size of the kidney stone. I visited my doctor today and confirmed that the appropriate course of action is one I've been taking since the onset of the pain: drink lots of fluid and wait.

I am praying that it passes soon. You know, so I can get on the ball and start getting rid of my faux pregnancy.

Oh yeah, and to be pain free. : )